Publishing must die part 145, The Re-Bloodening

The ridiculous: I think, by now, most of you have heard of James Frey (the formerly-disgraced fraud who wrote a memoir A Million Little Pieces–an Oprah selection, by the way–that was later exposed as fiction) and his writers sweat shop, hoping to compose the next Twilight series. I guess one million monkeys and one million typewriters weren’t available.

Author John Scalzi gives a nice rant/recap of Frey and MFA programs here.

The sublime: Coming to a kindle or e-reader near you…small publisher wants stories for their Zombie King Kong anthology! Only, you can’t use the phrase “King Kong.” And you can’t reference Skull Island. And, well, let’s directly quote:

What we want: Stories involving a giant zombie ape. Be creative; steer away from the King Kong films.

What we don’t want: While the similarities to King Kong will be obvious, stories must not infringe upon the messy-as-hell copyright issues that surround the King Kong character, and all the other characters and settings that were created by Merian C. Cooper back in 1929. This means that names such as “Skull Island, Ann Darrow, Carl Denhan,” and “King Kong,” must not appear in your story.

I’m writing a story about a giant zombie ape who has a lack of self-esteem, doesn’t like bananas, cries all the time because no one will take his vanity published memoir seriously. Meanwhile, there’s a giant lizard called Lordzilla who has bad breath, dislikes walks on the beach, and spends his days writing one-star amazon reviews for books that are too expensive for his kindle. Zombie Ape and Lordzilla become fast friends, until the day Lordzilla gives Zombie Ape a three star review. Then they fight. Explosions! Someone puts the fight on youtube and Eli Roth makes a movie out of it. Then everyone in the world is happy and there are no problems or pain or suffering anywhere. This pax-zombie-ape last for 213 years.

The end?

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